What Defines a (Sexual) Soul Mate?

“Do you believe in soul mates?”
“Well, I like the word soul, and I like the word mate. After that, you got me.”

Females – in general – are obsessed with soul mates. Most of the women I know spend their entire lives searching for the right man, finally get him to commit and then spend the little spare time they have telling me to hang onto my freedom. Yet they’re still obsessed with me finding a ‘keeper’. “Is he The One?” “Is he your Soul Mate?” “Is he Mr Right?” Eh, he’s Mr Right NOW…

I think they do this to perpetuate the myth. You know, the one that says we’re supposed to be with the same person forever and love and cherish them forever. Even if the charmer leaves his dirty jocks on the floor on a daily basis. Can you imagine if that was two girls living together? “Oh, I dropped my knickers, sorry, it must have been on the way to the washing machine….” Incidentally, the reason some men don’t ‘see’ stuff like that is because their Irish mammies train them not to ‘see’ stuff like that. I watched a ten-year-old boy change out of his school uniform yesterday. From the other side of the living room, I watched him take it off, roll it in a ball, and fling it out of his general direction. When I called out, “Pick it up! Fold it! Put it Away!”, he gathered it back up and told me in a stunned voice that he didn’t know how to fold it…and that he didn’t know where it went afterwards. There’s a ten-year-old Irish girl out there just waiting to grow up and adore his mum. Or what about the men that say, “Are you cleaning again?” Yes, but only because it’s dirty again…

Anyhow, soul mates. They’re hard to find and even harder to understand. And then there’s all the sex…What if you find someone you have unbelievable, knock-your-socks-off, do-it-like-they-do-in-the-movies sex, but he’s somewhat lacking in the life-partner department? Hmm. Let’s be honest, good sex is hard to come by. With the knowledge of some 20 years (gulp) experience, I can confidently say that both sexes fall into one of three groups when it comes to ‘doing it’. A) They love it and want you to love it back so you figure it out together or, B) They’re intimidated, don’t really know how to do it and therefore end up doing nothing or C) they’re slightly put off by certain elements of it so pretend those bits don’t exist. I know there are girls – and guys – out there who have given up ‘movie sex’ in return for a home, a family and the opportunity to ‘we’ at every given opportunity. As in, “we’ve booked a romantic chalet in the French Alps for the weekend.” Then the photos are produced and everyone is pea-green with envy. Except I know the man (in question) spent the weekend avoiding sexy time by falling asleep on the couch. Why? “The sex is meh.”

Equally, I know a couple (or two) who are so stitched in together, so entwined, that when I grow up I want to be just like them.

Whether we like to admit it or not, sex is the cornerstone to every relationship and good sex is the key. As is communicating, laughing, shared interests, support, trust…the list goes on. There’s so much stuff involved it stands to reason that soul mates are nigh on impossible to find. And anyhow, what if you think you’ve already met yours? Are you entitled to another, or is it just one per person? Who decides?

My own perception of a soul mate changes on a daily basis. Monday: validate my life. Tuesday: rub my feet. Wednesday: indulge me in some midweek madness. Thursday: cook me dinner. Friday. Blow my mind (pun intended). Saturday: do couple ‘stuff.’ Sunday: make me a rasher sandwich and lead me back to bed. It’s a difficult job, I agree. And that’s only my list.

soul mate
- noun
a person with whom one has a strong affinity.

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